Freight Train

When I think back for one second, I understand how I ended up here. All I have to do is let myself feel the pain for a moment, just remember, and I can forgive myself for wasting time. I did it on purpose. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to feel, I just wanted to be left alone in my room with all of my distractions. I was afraid of moving forward, of being with myself in silence to even think about where or who I wanted to be. I had to hide for a while from myself, from my past, for a long, long while. I peek my head up for air and try to gauge my surroundings, and the past hits me like a freight train. I hold strong. I brace for the impact, lest I spend the rest of my life in this room. Life is beautiful and I want to experience it. Fear is paralyzing. I refuse to be afraid anymore. I choose strength. I choose courage. I choose to leave the past behind me and move forward, weeping not for roads untraveled, but gearing for the course ahead. I have no ridiculous notions of things working out perfectly for me. That being said, I have hope and determination and the will to drive me onwards.
My life has been some sad poet's inspiration. I will harness the lessons I've learned and the wisdom I've acquired through my journey to manifest a beautiful life. I open myself to the gifts life has to offer. I open my heart to be cherished by another. I open my mind to be heard or be misunderstood, so long as I speak my truth it doesn't matter. The point is, really, that I may never be more ready than I am right now. So be it. If I fall, I will brush myself off and start off again like a hunter going after her prey, to survive.
It wasn't all for naught, for I've metamorphosed. The girl I was three years ago nearly died, so she shrouded herself in a cocoon and emerged as myself. I am reborn. I have the power to prevail. I am a realist now. I am innately talented, bitingly intelligent, and strangely beautiful. I have so much to offer this world and I will be the one hitting it like a freight train.