Okay, so I have to process this:
I performed with a band. And we were amazing. Everyone listened.
I need a reality check. Is this my life? Am I living my dream?
Yes and no. A check off on my bucket list, surely. I remember standing up there in that little cafe, and thinking, "This is really happening." I felt this connection to everyone I played with, and I felt heard by our small audience. At the same time, I was completely aware of myself in space and time. It was just this beautiful, cohesive moment where everything fell into place.
I want more. All I want is more.
I want to bring in a few choice lyrics and melodies I have been writing my entire life. I want to create something original-- I want to seize this opportunity.
Will they go for it? Will they want to work with new material? Undoubtedly, they are talented enough to do so. I feel like we are complete albeit a drummer. Maybe I am just dreaming, but for once it seems like dreams can come true.
It's time to sift through my arsenal of lyrics. It's time now. Maybe it's really, finally, time.
I am so grateful for where I am today. I am so grateful for excelling in class and learning more about what I live for, for having real life experiences, for bonding with others through them. I am grateful every day that I am alive, and healthy, and that I feel that my life has a meaning and a purpose.
I think of Whitney Houston. She had it all, and where do you go once you reach the top? If making it is the end, then what I'm doing right now is the journey. It's the excitement and anticipation and the openness and willingness to learn and grow and be better. I will never forget my first gig at the coffee shop covering songs. It's a landmark. And I have no where to go but up. I'm doing this thing. This is my reality.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Slump
Slumps... Gotta hate em. My voice started to give way during band practice on Saturday, and I've been bummed out ever since. I've been lax on my goals and plans, completing an assignment last minute that couldve been completed days ago. I could've given it 100%, but I didn't it.
I've gotta pull myself out of this right now. I'm not lazy, lackadaisical or confused-- I need my A game back. I need that I'm-gonna-make-it-and-nothing's-gonna-stop-me attitude back.
Enough is enough. I am making a plan to balance studying with the rest of my goals. I'm going to college to make my own studio and create my own music. This is the big picture here. I need to put this is perspective. I need yoga and I haven't done it in a week. I need to take time for myself so I don't burn out and let myself slip. I'm going to make a realistic plan and stick to it.
I have never been more motivated to do anything in my entire 27 years on this earth, and I can't half-ass this. No way, no how. I'm bouncing back, and I'm doing it now. I don't care if I'm under the weather, at least I'm alive and healthy and capable.
I never thought the hurdle i would have to jump would myself.
I can do this.
I've gotta pull myself out of this right now. I'm not lazy, lackadaisical or confused-- I need my A game back. I need that I'm-gonna-make-it-and-nothing's-gonna-stop-me attitude back.
Enough is enough. I am making a plan to balance studying with the rest of my goals. I'm going to college to make my own studio and create my own music. This is the big picture here. I need to put this is perspective. I need yoga and I haven't done it in a week. I need to take time for myself so I don't burn out and let myself slip. I'm going to make a realistic plan and stick to it.
I have never been more motivated to do anything in my entire 27 years on this earth, and I can't half-ass this. No way, no how. I'm bouncing back, and I'm doing it now. I don't care if I'm under the weather, at least I'm alive and healthy and capable.
I never thought the hurdle i would have to jump would myself.
I can do this.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Never Giving Up
I've finally found the place where I belong-- It's with people who live and breath music. It's what gets me through the day.
People in my past, mistakes I've made, choices I've made, have all added up to make me who I am today. It reinforces the present, and assures me that I will never go back to the way things used to be.
Life isn't easy, but it's wonderful. It's college full time, it's ensembles and bands and open mic and countless hours studying. It's striving to be the best that I can be, following my heart, giving it my all. I've never felt so whole. I have high demands of myself. A few years ago, I never could have met those demands. Today, I meet them with a vengeance and a passion. So far, I haven't let myself down. Every day that goes by, I succeed, and I plan to be somebody in this industry. I am on my way, one small step at a time. I have courage, I have confidence, and I have determination. It's not going to be easy-- it's going to be challenging, fulfilling.
Because I've been where I've been, and been held down for so long-- by myself, by others-- I have plenty to say. I've been silent for too long, and my voice will not go unheard.
Those who disagree will be surprised.
People in my past, mistakes I've made, choices I've made, have all added up to make me who I am today. It reinforces the present, and assures me that I will never go back to the way things used to be.
Life isn't easy, but it's wonderful. It's college full time, it's ensembles and bands and open mic and countless hours studying. It's striving to be the best that I can be, following my heart, giving it my all. I've never felt so whole. I have high demands of myself. A few years ago, I never could have met those demands. Today, I meet them with a vengeance and a passion. So far, I haven't let myself down. Every day that goes by, I succeed, and I plan to be somebody in this industry. I am on my way, one small step at a time. I have courage, I have confidence, and I have determination. It's not going to be easy-- it's going to be challenging, fulfilling.
Because I've been where I've been, and been held down for so long-- by myself, by others-- I have plenty to say. I've been silent for too long, and my voice will not go unheard.
Those who disagree will be surprised.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
My First Open Mic!!
Music Industry Club hosted their first open mic night about a week and a half ago, and I was thrilled to be a part of it. I was able to help load in equipment and even got to perform a couple of impromptu songs. I met LOTS of musically inclined people that I hope to get to know more and become friends with, get some gigs going, and just express my ever-increasing love for the industry. This is where I belong, I can feel it!! I've made more friends here than anywhere before I decided to just go for it and do what I love. It is an incredibly rewarding experience.
Tomorrow after classes, we'll be rehearsing for the next open mic night at Sweetwater Marleys this Tuesday. Lots of coffee, my guilty pleasure! We will also be doing a set for the Center for the Blind just before this. Charity work is something I haven't had the pleasure of doing since I was a wee Girl Scout, and I'm looking forward to giving back. Something about it seems surreal, that what I love to do can help people less fortunate. It puts a whole new spin on my idea of music-- that my voice can be of service.
Anyways, time to wind down and get some rest.
Tomorrow after classes, we'll be rehearsing for the next open mic night at Sweetwater Marleys this Tuesday. Lots of coffee, my guilty pleasure! We will also be doing a set for the Center for the Blind just before this. Charity work is something I haven't had the pleasure of doing since I was a wee Girl Scout, and I'm looking forward to giving back. Something about it seems surreal, that what I love to do can help people less fortunate. It puts a whole new spin on my idea of music-- that my voice can be of service.
Anyways, time to wind down and get some rest.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Miss Busy
Just when I thought my life couldn't get any busier, it did. Now I find myself studying as soon as I wake up, going to classes, and then studying until nine or so. I'm in MIC (Music Industry Club) which is every Tuesday night-- one week is just a meeting and the next is open mic. But it's not just that simple. I'll be rehearsing with two groups a couple of times a week! Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled. I am jamming with a gifted violinist and a talented pianist to do Fiona Apple's "Never is a Promise" at my request. It's a beautiful song.
So on top of all this, I bought my first music editing program. It's a cheap one, but it'll be enough to get me started. Not that I've had time to take it out of the box. I also try to do Yoga daily-- even if it's just at home. I have a Maltese that needs walking and feeding ( not to mention I need feeding) and lots of love and attention.
I see a therapist - actually, I'm waiting for him now - for past trauma which does not need to be spoken of in this forum. It took me a long time to find him, and he's the right fit for me. Problem is, he's about to tell me I shouldn't be dating anyone. And I am! I'm happy. I have the fullest life without a second to spare, and I love every minute of it. Well, here he is so I am off.
So on top of all this, I bought my first music editing program. It's a cheap one, but it'll be enough to get me started. Not that I've had time to take it out of the box. I also try to do Yoga daily-- even if it's just at home. I have a Maltese that needs walking and feeding ( not to mention I need feeding) and lots of love and attention.
I see a therapist - actually, I'm waiting for him now - for past trauma which does not need to be spoken of in this forum. It took me a long time to find him, and he's the right fit for me. Problem is, he's about to tell me I shouldn't be dating anyone. And I am! I'm happy. I have the fullest life without a second to spare, and I love every minute of it. Well, here he is so I am off.
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